my journey through the pursuit of love & happiness

driving. road. love. metaphor.

Posted on: June 1, 2010

Somewhere along the line I’ve heard the theory that humans are trained to find patterns in things where patterns do not exist. Like in clouds; or in wood knots.

Or in men.

It’s hard not to see patterns in everything we do; seeking out patterns and placing things into categories and nice little boxes seems natural.

What happens when one pattern begins to resemble a past, ugly pattern? A pattern that no longer fits the curvatures of your body and one that you have forgiven, sure, but not forgotten how ugly it looks on you?

Now, a new person might come along and in a small or large way remind you, begrudgingly, of a different douchebag dime a dozen. It can be difficult not to snap back and close yourself off to someone who you feel make take the same shape–the same pattern as the one who wronged you before.

Are these patterns real? Do we only see what we want to see? Are we just looking for reasons to deny and sabotage our happiness?

It’s easy to play the pessimist.

Of course on some level every guy you date thereafter can remind you of some asshole you dated before. They’re men. We can stereotype their likes and dislikes and be right a majority of the time. Sure, the same can be said for women. There I said it. Yes, these are generalizations.

Are these patterns patterns? Or random chaos?

On the road to relationship happiness… What are the warning signs? And what are tests of any good relationship? How can you tell the difference?

You can’t.

This is the most difficult thing to admit to yourself: there are no easy answers: there are no patterns to define a guaranteed outcome.

Love is not certain. Heartbreak is not certain. Assholes are not certain.

It always seems easier to err on the side of caution. Something seems eerily familiar; you’ve been down this road before. The same anxious feeling when similar situations present themselves. The shock (and somehow expected betrayal) of someone you once thought you could care for. Slam the breaks. Reverse. Turn around.

Sometimes there are no patterns. Sometimes chaos is a pattern.

Sometimes you have to repeatedly remind yourself that this road is different; consciously be aware of the not so subtle and nuanced differences. This road is paved. This road is driver friendly. This road looks like it’s driving off into the sunset…

Sometimes you have to be more trusting and go outside your own comfort-zone-box to get what you want.  Sometimes you have to look at yourself first and then retrain your brain not to react to past patterns of dime a dozen men.

People may resemble past patterns, but all people are different and cannot easily be placed into one category or another. So a few remembrances of one guy about another doesn’t mean that they are all the same.

Create your own pattern to fulfill your wants.

Maybe this road isn’t the end. There may be many more ahead of you. Take time to enjoy the journey and appreciate every off road journey knowing that all the love you put into the universe will come back to you.


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June 2010
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