my journey through the pursuit of love & happiness

fighting the good fight

Posted on: July 6, 2010

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.


You gotta know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold ‘em.

Deciding the difference between obstacles and warning signs used to drive me crazy.

Giving up sometimes made me feel like I was giving up on the person and then my Catholic guilt would kick in. Not to mention my instincts as a problem solver. I never had a chance.

For these reasons I always preferred to be broken up with instead of doing the breaking up. I would stay in a relationship, unhappy and sometimes even miserable.

I learned a very, very hard way that giving up on someone, giving up on you two romantically is not the same as giving up on a person; attempting to forgive a boy as a friend is different than attempting to forgive him as a boyfriend.

I’ve always held the philosophy that if you want someone then you should do everything to get that person. Debby downer sitting on the couch complaining only goes so far, there’s a point where you need to take control of your life and either go after what you want or move on.

If you’ve fought the good fight and given it everything you have then at least you have your closure that there was nothing else you could have done.

Yes, this is easier said for most people.

Because even when you do try…..Maybe you will grow to resent them for not seeing how much you tried to love them. For them not seeing how hard you tried to open up and win them over. For them not appreciating the little things. For them not seeing how amazing you are.

When you decide that they don’t appreciate you for what you are worth and you know you should stop thinking about them but now you’ve gotten into the habit and you miss missing them. When you know deep down that you cannot live off the little that they give back.

What moving on generally amounts to is the good fight between your brain and your heart. Logically we can agree that a person is bad for us that this person doesn’t treat us the way we deserve to be treated.

Sometimes it’s easy to give in because you just want the pain to stop and taking them back and being with them seems the easiest way.

It’s not.

Losing interest in a person is based on emotions while giving up on someone is more of a logical choice and maybe that’s why it’s so hard because the feelings are still there yet maybe you wished they weren’t.

Feelings versus a conscious decision and your brain telling your heart to move on does not always seem like enough when there is not a cure for heartache.

Do we each have a pain tolerance level that determines our willingness to fight?

Romantic movies would tell us never to give up to always keep fighting. But romantic movies cram what can be years of trust and relationship building into 90 minutes of entertainment. If the guy didn’t get the girl people wouldn’t go see the movies, or at least that’s what Disney believes and that’s why they changed the ending to Pretty Woman.

Of course the only person who can give up the good fight is yourself. Often I feel like when it comes to relationships people are looking at the sunk costs of their emotions and do not want to be embarrassed or something of the like of admitting that their great relationship is a failure.

Admitting that you were wrong admitting that your perceived investment is a failure is not easy. Sometimes we know what we don’t want but we don’t know what we do want.

There is that little voice that gets drowned out by other people, by ourselves by the environment and often we just need to find that place where our head and heart come together and have the same voice. Because even though it hurts and you may have feelings for someone, your heart isn’t necessarily saying they are the one.

So in times of ailing, tragic, or even small screw-overs let’s take some to listen to ourselves and learn to embrace and not be afraid of what we really want.


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July 2010
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