my journey through the pursuit of love & happiness

Archive for August 2010

FACT. Guys give just as many mixed signals as girls. Don’t argue.

These games, this battle between the sexes… We would all be better off if the only games we play are sex games.

With all the online dating and hook-up culture running rampant around town, if you wanna meet someone who shares your wants/needs it’s not that difficult (okay, easier said than done, true).

It just doesn’t make sense to play games at this age—really at any age. I never understood. As a classic Gemini I get bored easily in relationships, I need to be challenged emotionally, physically and intellectually. So if a guy gives me periodic attention in the beginning, guess what, I’m going to lose interest. Fast.

I don’t have time to sit around and wait for you to call when you said you would. I don’t have twenty minutes to spare between every text message we send back and forth and I don’t have time for a guy who doesn’t have enough confidence to go after what he wants.

Part of the whole role of seduction is to feel wanted. How am I suppose to feel wanted when you’re playing games? I’m not saying that I haven’t ever over thought how to respond to this or that but there’s a difference between not knowing how to act and purposefully playing coy hoping that it will make the person more interested. Or going out of your way to make your pursuit jealous. That. Is. The. Worst. And. Stupidist. Move.

Do you really want a female who only wants you because she wants you to want her? There’s no feeling in that. Maybe you view completely ignoring someone to arouse her interest as an accomplishment. And if all you wanted was passionate-chair-breaking-sex,  where’s the passion in only wanting someone so they will want you? You are not going to get any mind blowing sex from that. You were better off wooing her from the beginning (and of course being honest with your intentions).

As a female I want to be chased and evolution has set it up this way. Why mess with a million years of romantic pursuits? This method is tried and true.

Do you really think I’m the type of girl to swoon over any male attention?

Do yourself a favor: live with your decisions. And if you really feel it’s a missed connection you better prove yourself.

After all, life is all about second chances.

1. make time to read

Between school, working, extra-curricular activities and working out I don’t have a lot of free time. I miss reading for pleasure and I feel guilty when I do because there is always more school assignments to be read. But taking time out for the little things that bring me pleasure is important. So instead of watching hulu before bed I am going to make a conscious effort to read at least 15 minutes a night during the school year.

2. lessons of forgiveness

When I first heard that some of my guy friends are much more likely to forgive a girl early for her flandering mistakes than later on the relationship I didn’t think too much of it. I felt that I would be more likely to forgive a guy for cheating if it was later on in the relationship where I had an emotional investment and committment. It took me a while to realize that my guy friends were using the same argument, only arguing that because of the emotional investment the betrayal is much worse. From their point of view, early on there is no/little committment or emotions greatly invested so they are much more likely to forgive a girl. Where women, I believe, and myself look at an early on mistake as what’s more to come. The basis for how he will act/react throughout our whole relationship. I look at early on mistakes as, if he’s doing that now while things seem pretty good, what will he do later when things get tough?

I find this very interesting.

Then I realized my rationalizing of being more likely to forgive a man if I was already emotionally invested. This is a sunk cost! As time goes on, it makes sense that there should be a an exponential decrease of chancing that he will do something crappy to you.

3. guys read into little things and over react, too

Self explanatory.

4. guys do have feelings.

They just don’t like showing them. What are women mind readers? This is why ladies read into things and hold onto what seems like little signs of interest, etc. If guys showed their emotions than I guarantee that less women would be ‘crazy.’

5. less is more

Guys want a lady in the street.  Yes, men are visual people. We all react to visual stimulants. But really, any guy worth having wants a woman who isn’t afraid to leave a little to the imagination.

When you keep secrets from some of the people who have seen you at your worst (and best) you know that it’s shameful sex.

This is sex with someone who you would never admit to your friends. It’s with someone who you don’t consider boyfriend material and well, might be a little ashamed or embarrassed to admit to.

This doesn’t mean that this person is necessarily unattractive. Or that your so called shameful trash isn’t another person’s treasure…. it just means you would lie about it if asked and deny, deny, DENY!

But shameful sex can be a slippery slope.  Having “negatives” turn you on… can that really be a healthy thing?

The hiding, the secrecy… the fact that no one knows can be a turn on. Sure. But how do you transition from shameful sex back to a functioning relationship with a person who you do consider boyfriend material?

….

To be continued…


"IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE ME AT MY WORST, THAN YOU DON'T DESERVE ME AT MY BEST" -marilyn monroe

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