my journey through the pursuit of love & happiness

Archive for the ‘love’ Category

Can you find love in a coffee shop?

Ad Kahlua, stir. Find love.

I know some people enjoy coffee dates because they feel there is less pressure, but um, really, I am not 45.

I recently had a guy ask me out for coffee after I specifically said I don’t really drink coffee. Admittingly, I may have to adjust this self-proclaimed ‘I don’t drink coffee’ after I’ve discovered numerous flavored lattes at Starbucks. BUT I said I don’t really drink coffee. The last time I said that to a guy, the-jerk-he-turned-out-to-be-lying-and saying-he-slept-with-me-when-he-never-got-more-than-a-kiss, at least then suggested we get smoothies.

What does a girl think of when she thinks of a date? I will tell you right now she is NOT picturing a coffee shop. My time is valuable. I want to go out to new restaurants and try new things and if I am scheduling someone I am not even sure I’m into for a date into my hectic schedule, you can bet your allowance it is not going to be for coffee. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I believe alcoholic beverages are an important part of a date.

Coffee just has so much more of an interview feeling for me. Also, it’s hard to get dressed up cute for a coffee shop, almost in a sad way, like why are you dressing up for the library? Coffee shops mostly remind me of doing work and studying, not a place where I flirt and am making a conscious effort to look cute. (Okay, maybe I should change my preconceived notion of coffee expectations, sure meeting the love of my life in a coffee shop probably has the same statistical probabilities as meeting them in a bar, and I’ve definitely met a love in a bar.)

Also, what kind of listener are you when I tell you I don’t really drink coffee and still ask me out for a coffee date?! Over the years I’ve learned to see signs of men who are horrible at being on my side and listening. So if you can’t even listen to me for a first date suggestion, what makes me think you are going to listen to me about the really important things?

So there, you are not a really good listener and maybe you should be more creative than coffee (um like pomegranate martinis) for a first date.

Bottom line: It’s not rocket science. Guys if you want to stand out, do something creative for a first date. Even if you are doing the same creative thing for ten first dates. And if a girl tells you she’s not into something, LISTEN.

Lately I’ve been more and more annoyed at the public’s attack on Jennifer Aniston.

Why can’t a beautiful woman be happy without a man? Why must you label her a loser because she hasn’t settled down? Yes this might sound like the whole cliche arguement of if she was a man she’d be called a bachelor… Well if she was a man she would be one of hollywood’s most eligible bachelors. She’s be George Clooney. Last week George Clooney said he would never get married again. No one called him a loser. No one has ever called him a failure at life for not producing children. Instead, he must be tamed and she must be lame.

Leave her and all the women who are happy being single, independent women and can be fulfilled with other intimate relationships in their life, alone. Not all women want to be settled down and not every woman is sure she wants children. Must we really hold her to standards of a 1950s housewife?! So what if she doesn’t want children.

There is seriously something wrong with our society and male/female roles when a woman is being teared down for being strong and independent. Who is publishing this BS? Men and women who only want to reinforce gender roles from their parent’s generation?! People who are unhappy with their life and feel the need to bring anyone who seems happy down?!

It is not a woman’s sole role in life to produce a child. The fact that she is living the life she is living should be inspiring other young women: yes, it is possible to be happy and fulfilled without a man or child in your life.

Hill Harper says the best positive messages to males and females.

His tweet today: “Be a ‘G’:  ‘Many of us put a facade of being a man, but rarely express the courage (heart) [to] be gentlemen. ‘ ”

I couldn’t have said it better.

Amazeballs.

 

My sex life is rarely as active as people believe. I have standards! Also, no biggie, I’m a sex camel. But more importantly, I don’t see the point in wasting my time having sex when the sex isn’t worth it. If I think about all the things I could have done with my time, even filing my nails, than the sex was not worth it.

And guess what. Most. Sex. Is. Not. Worth. It.

Surprise of the century. I’m still the only person to give myself a multiple orgasm. But sometimes you just want to feel someone on top of you. Yes, for all you Sex and the City fans, once upon a time Carrie wrote about this, too. It’s true. We all need human contact. Warmth. Someone to hold us. Someone to have us feel needed, wanted.

My question is: when do you lower your standards compromise what you want?

Of course we must consider the cost and benefits of lowering compromising your standards.

Costs: time, birth control, adding another one to your list, grooming time

Potential Costs/Risks: sex might not be good, even if you use condoms (and I always do) you can still get something!, him telling lies, him being an ass, if you don’t you may forget how to have sex

Benefits: getting what you want? someone besides myself seeing me naked.

Other considerations: You might regret it.

If I were really serious about this cost-benefit analysis I would only have sex with myself. In reality I’m only going to enjoy sex with someone if there is a connection. Connections take time. Only once in my life have I had a love-at-first-moment-connection. The rest is being comfortable enough with someone for them to see your vinegar strokes and that takes time. But no one wants to take time anymore. This nation of fast-delivery everyone wants everything now.  I learned a long time ago the only way I’m ever only going to get want I want now is to do it myself (no pun intended).

When do you think it’s okay to lower your standards compromise what you want?

One of my new favorite guilty pleasures.

Dear Girls Above Me, is a blog about two crazy, dumb, pretty, daddy-girls who moved above some guy in L.A. He is forced to hear every dumb thing they say. This is his ode to them.

Read it, it’s hilarious!

PS – The rumor is they are making a show off of this.

Today Hill Harper tweeted AFI: attraction, friendship, intimacy.

Yes, in that order.

There are enough men in my life where I shouldn’t be so shocked that there are actually men out there who want to be fuliflled emotionally by a partner. Yet everytime…. flabberghasted.

Okay, that is a hyperbole, however, I have to commend a man who stands up and says that this is what is important, who advocates a healthy dialouge between men and women, and encourages trust and honesty.

It’s always nice to know there are a few good men out there.

Bottom-line of this article: If you’re a man and want to maximize your life span, you should look surrounding yourself by women.

Yes, just another study showing how men benefit not only from being married, but now, actually showing that men benefit from being around women.

Interesting.

I wonder why it’s not the other way around? Why do men’s benefits appear more measurable?

Evolution would tell us that there must be a mutual-beneficial relationship but it appears that men are benefiting more than women. Or is our benefit just measured by producing children?

Is this mother nature’s way of getting men to settle down?

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"IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE ME AT MY WORST, THAN YOU DON'T DESERVE ME AT MY BEST" -marilyn monroe

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