my journey through the pursuit of love & happiness

Archive for the ‘no more excuses’ Category

Paying the check on the first date-- dealbreaker?

I like to joke that I have a gay man inside of me, but this doesn’t mean I understand a thing about men. Maybe I cannot relate to straight men because they are easily confused by shiny things.

This new category is dedicated to all the advice I receive from my straight guy friends (taken or not).

#1 If the guy does not pay for dinner DO NOT accept a second date.

I was most surprised to hear this advice from some of my more err bro guy friends. This is a piece of advice that is consistent from all my straighties. Apparently if a guy doesn’t pay for dinner on the first date (no one is saying he has to always foot the bill) he’s just not that into you.

What do you think? Do you agree?

Hill Harper says the best positive messages to males and females.

His tweet today: “Be a ‘G’:  ‘Many of us put a facade of being a man, but rarely express the courage (heart) [to] be gentlemen. ‘ ”

I couldn’t have said it better.

Amazeballs.

 

Today Hill Harper tweeted AFI: attraction, friendship, intimacy.

Yes, in that order.

There are enough men in my life where I shouldn’t be so shocked that there are actually men out there who want to be fuliflled emotionally by a partner. Yet everytime…. flabberghasted.

Okay, that is a hyperbole, however, I have to commend a man who stands up and says that this is what is important, who advocates a healthy dialouge between men and women, and encourages trust and honesty.

It’s always nice to know there are a few good men out there.

FACT. Guys give just as many mixed signals as girls. Don’t argue.

These games, this battle between the sexes… We would all be better off if the only games we play are sex games.

With all the online dating and hook-up culture running rampant around town, if you wanna meet someone who shares your wants/needs it’s not that difficult (okay, easier said than done, true).

It just doesn’t make sense to play games at this age—really at any age. I never understood. As a classic Gemini I get bored easily in relationships, I need to be challenged emotionally, physically and intellectually. So if a guy gives me periodic attention in the beginning, guess what, I’m going to lose interest. Fast.

I don’t have time to sit around and wait for you to call when you said you would. I don’t have twenty minutes to spare between every text message we send back and forth and I don’t have time for a guy who doesn’t have enough confidence to go after what he wants.

Part of the whole role of seduction is to feel wanted. How am I suppose to feel wanted when you’re playing games? I’m not saying that I haven’t ever over thought how to respond to this or that but there’s a difference between not knowing how to act and purposefully playing coy hoping that it will make the person more interested. Or going out of your way to make your pursuit jealous. That. Is. The. Worst. And. Stupidist. Move.

Do you really want a female who only wants you because she wants you to want her? There’s no feeling in that. Maybe you view completely ignoring someone to arouse her interest as an accomplishment. And if all you wanted was passionate-chair-breaking-sex,  where’s the passion in only wanting someone so they will want you? You are not going to get any mind blowing sex from that. You were better off wooing her from the beginning (and of course being honest with your intentions).

As a female I want to be chased and evolution has set it up this way. Why mess with a million years of romantic pursuits? This method is tried and true.

Do you really think I’m the type of girl to swoon over any male attention?

Do yourself a favor: live with your decisions. And if you really feel it’s a missed connection you better prove yourself.

After all, life is all about second chances.

No, my goal for this post is not to be like whatshisface. I’m not trying to get you laid. I’m trying to give good, maybe a little shy guys, an opening.  I’m trying to up the ante and get some more than decent guys on the market. Think about the end game. The goal of any opening/pick up line is keep her talking, and ultimately get her number. Well, I may not be able to help with the latter, but I think these are a few gems that will help with the former.

1. “You’ve lost that loving feeling.”

What girl doesn’t want to be serenaded? I mean it worked in the movie. I suppose for this to really work the girl would have to know what you’re referencing, because that’s actually the whole point of it. Maybe not? Anyways, I have actually always wanted to try this move on a guy.

I think the goal of any pick up line is to get the girl to smile, to laugh and to ultimately create an icebreaker. And really, how can you turn someone down who has the guts to do this?

In full pick-up line disclosure I have been serenaded at a club to this. Not exactly the same, but a good song nonetheless. It probably would have worked better if I wasn’t already planning to walk out the door before they started. Oh and I was dating some one. Opps.  I was impressed. Which brings me to another hint: don’t wait until the very last-minute. If the girl looks like she is going to leave, give her a reason to stay…

2. “(There’s no need to leave so soon) I’ve been trying all night long just to talk to you.”

This is a line from Eric Clapton’s Lay Down Sally. Of course I don’t think it’s necessary for the person in question to know where this line is coming from. I mean seriously, if a guy had been eyeing me across the bar and came up to me later in the night and said, “I’ve been waiting all night long just to talk to you,”  I’d be moved. I’d smile. I’d feel flattered. Most importantly I would want to know what he is going to say next.

In full disclosure of pick-up line history I have had a (somehow) variation of this line used on me. We had already talked a little throughout the night, so when he saw me gather my things and start to leave he spoke up. “You’re leaving?  That’s my loss.” What can I say? It worked. Damn.

3. “Can I buy you a drink?”

This one is old-fashioned, sure, but it’s also tried and true. Sometimes guys complain that they can’t offer to buy a girl a drink because her drink is already too full. Sounds like a real problem. If you are already talking to her, then wait until it’s about 1/3 left. If you are want to use this line as an introduction to a conversation then watch her drink. I think if a girl’s drink is half full it’s fair game to offer to buy her another. Lol. I know that sounds weirdly stalkerish to wait to approach a girl when her drink is half full but I think this is a good rule of thumb mostly because this opening should lead to conversation. You don’t have to buy her a drink the second you offer. Wait a few minutes and make conversation with her in the meantime.

4. Eye contact and smile.

Again this one might seem obvious. I know every time a guy makes eye contact with me I usually freak out and get nervous. A nice smile and strong eye contact can sometimes catch you off guard. Give her a chance to process the fact that you are interested in her. I know I usually need a few minutes after strong eye contact is made. Give her a few minutes and position yourself so you can easily see if she’s looking your way. This is usually her returning your initial contact and inviting you for an opener.

5. “You’re Mexican? I love mexican food.”

(Lol. I had to put this one in.) I mean unless you plan on eating me…

6. “Hey, can I get a female perspective on something?”

Remember you are trying to create a situation that will lead into a conversation. One method recommended by readers is to set up this more than ‘yes’ or ‘no’ situation by asking her opinion about something. Something along the lines of, “hey, can i get a female perspective on something?” of “Can you recommend something on the menu?” Make sure you have a developed (yet brief) background, something like, “my friend still has pictures of him and his ex, but his current girlfriend wants him to get rid of them, but he doesn’t want to because he’s still friends with his ex – what should he do?”

This is good because it allows the girl to lead the conversation where she feels comfortable. This allows her feel in control, which will probably help her feel confident in leading the conversation and give her a nice boost. Girls also love giving their opinion and being seen as an expert in lady affairs (as this blog attests too).

7. the seinfeld bet

Any Seinfeld fans out there? Remember the episode where some character asks Elaine (and some other chick) out by purposefully making a bet with the woman and losing. The loser, of course, has to pay for dinner. Tricky. Tricky. But it’s a good way to show how charming you can be in a date like setting. Why not? And if she knows you lost the bet on purpose maybe she’ll feel flattered and will go out with you anyway.

8. ask her to dance

Before you grind up on her, ask her to dance. I hate when some fool I don’t know puts his hand on my hip and assumes I want him thrusting at me. Ew. Gross. I don’t know you. I don’t want your sweatiness all up on me.  Yes ask her to dance but don’t get all up on her the first time around. She will appreciate the space. She won’t think you’re not interested because you’re not touching her body, on the contrary, she will be relieved that you are not like every other creeper.

9. “You look nice.” (or some variation)

It’s simple. It’s to the point. Girls want to be complimented. They want someone to notice the effort they put into looking good. This line doesn’t have to be cheesy. You do not need to go there and tell her that she looks like an angel that fell from heaven.

Smile. Tell her she looks nice. Wait for her reaction. If she smiles and appears to be inviting a larger conversation ask her if she’s from the area or wants a drink.

If not walk away. You win some. You lose some. Remember other girls who you might hit on later will be watching your reaction to rejection and they will judge you on it. Just walk away and say, “well ladies, I hope you have a good night.”

Remember, in all honesty (from my empirical findings) the person you are pursuing is often as clueless and dumbfounded as you. Also, keep your end goal in mind: to make her laugh, maker her feel special, etc. If you can make her smile there’s a pretty good chance you can get her number.

I can’t be the only jaded person on the planet who upon beginning any new type of romantic relationship begins to imagine the way this one is going to reveal themselves as a (selfish, lying) jerk.

Yes can we please fantasize about how this one will screw me over? Aren’t day dreams and fantasies suppose to be about the boy next door and living out everything you want in life buy don’t have?

I take a positive spin towards everything else in my life, so why is it so hard to be positive with relationships? And. I. Am. Seriously. Trying. To be positive and give the guy the benefit of the doubt that he in fact is not a douchebag asshole but just a guy. A guy who is not perfect. Which is relieving because I am not perfect, either.

Breaking patterns is hard. However, I’m determined to not let the few guys who turned into a douchebag asshole ruin my outlook on potential chances to be happy and enjoy life. More importantly, I do not want to be that person who just always assumes the worst about someone just because they are not perfect. I do not ever want to be that person who looks for reasons not to date someone I like as soon as something develops.

I would rather be trusting and open and have my heart broken everyday than be negative and closed off to all the wonderful possibilities this world has to offer me.

So here’s to thinking positive.

This is geared towards all those grad school boys,  young professionals paying off loans, or anyone on a budget. I know our generation has a thing about dating in school being equated to group dates, mostly in party-like settings. Pretty much I think that’s lame. Although I enjoy hanging out with good people and a bottle of wine (or in same cases a 6 pack) I’m an old fashioned gal and if a guy wants to actually court me (i.e. seduce me) we are going to need to spend some time alone together (and I’m not talking in the bedroom). This is necessary for any relationship to progress and for me to know if I’m really attracted to someone. Of course, guys usually complain about not having any money to spend; this is a legitimate argument. So I’ve decided to compile a list of fun, cheap dates so there are no more excuses for men. Take your best girl out and maker her feel special. Some of these are specific to d.c. but will hopefully give you a base to plan a date around for your area.

Here’s to no more excuses…

1. barnes and nobles

I always thought this would be the cutest date ever! I’d love if a guy took me to barnes and nobles, than maybe baked & wired down the street for some dessert. Either on a snowy winter day or warmer spring weekend, this is a fun, cheap date. Reading history and interest can provide for great, stimulating conversation and maybe some fun debate.

2. pet store & then ice-cream

Of course many of these dates are going to involve dessert! I have the BIGGEST sweet tooth ever. Who doesn’t love kittens and/or puppies? You know pretty much have her transfer all those warm fuzzies to you. A nice spring or summer day trip to the pet store, then stroll around down-town or the mall for a nice walk finished off by some ben-n-jerry’s or coldstone. Sounds like a nice little Saturday to me.

3. the mall

This one is for all you d.c.’ers. I recommend this trip later in the afternoon or even at night. Checking out the Washington Monument and the WWII museum at night under the few stars that break through the pollution and ambient light is really very nice. A nice walk along the momuments offers you a chance to offer her your coat if it gets chilly. Of course, there’s the go-to finisher of dessert. Or what about happy hour? Hukka? Or some Sushi? Have a list of a few places you think might interest her that are in the area.

4. drive-in/ dc’ers: weekly summer movies on the mall

Bring some treats and throw down a blanket to snuggle with your best gal. “Screen on the Green” info can be found here. For the best viewing seats plan on arriving by 5pm.

5. kayaking/canoeing/paddle boating

This used to be a great past time when I was younger. For a first date I would prefer paddle boating, that way you are sitting side by side and it’s easier to have a nice conversation. In d.c. check out the Patomac for kayaking and canoeing; for paddle boating head over to Tidal Basin. And why not a picnic, too? Pick up your favorite to-go food or toss a six-pack/bottle of wine with sandwiches, fruit, cheese or something sweet.

6. spanish steps

I’m told this is one of the most romantic places in d.c. Located at S & 22nd St, NW in the Kalorama neighborhood, take your date to the Spanish Steps for a quiet romantic area.

Photo Courtesy of Kristopher Anderson

7. eastern market

Check out eastern market on the weekend and hand pick the food you’re going to cook for that evening. Have a great time working in the kitchen together. In summer make it a grill out. Why not throw in a movie with dinner at home?

8. the national zoo

Not only is admission free but the National Zoo has other events throughout the year like galas and foodie events. Check out their website here.

9. picnic at rock creek park

Whether your idea of a picnic involves a 6-pack of Samuel Adams or a bottle of $3-buck-chuck from Trader Joe’s nothing beats an afternoon picnic. Entrance if free but reservations for group picnics should be made with a fee of $7.

10. hike in great falls

If you’re more adventorous and enjoy the outside you should think about taking your date for a hike in Great Falls. Fifteen miles from the capital you’ll need a car. Pack for the season and make sure to bring lots of water.

11. sunset over tyson’s corner

Go to the top of Ft. Reno park in Tenleytown and catch the sunset over Tyson’s Corner. This makes a great pre/post dinner/happy hour cocktails combo.

12. tour a piece of d.c. history at reagan’s assasination attempt

Drive/Walk by the Washington Hilton on Connecticut Avenue and look at the carport where Reagan was shot. This is sure to be a look into American history that will spark great conversation. Finish if off by cocktails and happy hour hor dourves.

13. kite flying date

Purchase and fly a kite together on the mall. Then of course, give it to your lady friend as a souvenir. If you really want to impress her with your skills I suggest researching some kite flying moves hand.

14. botanical gardens

Make sure to take your allergy medication! The National Garden includes a First Ladies’ water garden, an extensive rose garden, a butterfly garden, and a display of a variety of regional trees, shrubs and perennials. On the National Mall, next to the Capitol Building, 245 First St., SW Washington, DC. (202) 225-8333.

Photo courtesy of United States Botanic Garden

For a full list on gardens in d.c. click here.

15. museums

Nearly all of the museums in d.c are free. You can search their events page for things to do after 5pm, celebrations, exhibits, culinary arts, discussions and lectures, book signing and performances. Check out their website for extended hours and special events.

16. free summer concerts

Check out cool new music for free! Grab your best gal and a blanket. Click here for more information about free concerts in d.c. this summer.

17. wine tasting

Wine tasting speaks a great early-on date. Often sampiling a variety of wines can be pricey. I have two suggestions:  ACKC, where they have chocolate and wine pairings. Although generally pricey, Monday-Friday at Vidalia’s allows you to try free samples from two or three different bottles chosen by the sommelier.

18. gallery opening

Take that special someone out on a Friday or Saturday night for a gallery opening. You get to check the art out for free and there are usually free snacks and drinks on hand.


"IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE ME AT MY WORST, THAN YOU DON'T DESERVE ME AT MY BEST" -marilyn monroe

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 3 other followers

calender

June 2017
M T W T F S S
« Jul    
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
2627282930  
%d bloggers like this: