my journey through the pursuit of love & happiness

Posts Tagged ‘dating advice

Paying the check on the first date-- dealbreaker?

I like to joke that I have a gay man inside of me, but this doesn’t mean I understand a thing about men. Maybe I cannot relate to straight men because they are easily confused by shiny things.

This new category is dedicated to all the advice I receive from my straight guy friends (taken or not).

#1 If the guy does not pay for dinner DO NOT accept a second date.

I was most surprised to hear this advice from some of my more err bro guy friends. This is a piece of advice that is consistent from all my straighties. Apparently if a guy doesn’t pay for dinner on the first date (no one is saying he has to always foot the bill) he’s just not that into you.

What do you think? Do you agree?

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Can you find love in a coffee shop?

Ad Kahlua, stir. Find love.

I know some people enjoy coffee dates because they feel there is less pressure, but um, really, I am not 45.

I recently had a guy ask me out for coffee after I specifically said I don’t really drink coffee. Admittingly, I may have to adjust this self-proclaimed ‘I don’t drink coffee’ after I’ve discovered numerous flavored lattes at Starbucks. BUT I said I don’t really drink coffee. The last time I said that to a guy, the-jerk-he-turned-out-to-be-lying-and saying-he-slept-with-me-when-he-never-got-more-than-a-kiss, at least then suggested we get smoothies.

What does a girl think of when she thinks of a date? I will tell you right now she is NOT picturing a coffee shop. My time is valuable. I want to go out to new restaurants and try new things and if I am scheduling someone I am not even sure I’m into for a date into my hectic schedule, you can bet your allowance it is not going to be for coffee. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I believe alcoholic beverages are an important part of a date.

Coffee just has so much more of an interview feeling for me. Also, it’s hard to get dressed up cute for a coffee shop, almost in a sad way, like why are you dressing up for the library? Coffee shops mostly remind me of doing work and studying, not a place where I flirt and am making a conscious effort to look cute. (Okay, maybe I should change my preconceived notion of coffee expectations, sure meeting the love of my life in a coffee shop probably has the same statistical probabilities as meeting them in a bar, and I’ve definitely met a love in a bar.)

Also, what kind of listener are you when I tell you I don’t really drink coffee and still ask me out for a coffee date?! Over the years I’ve learned to see signs of men who are horrible at being on my side and listening. So if you can’t even listen to me for a first date suggestion, what makes me think you are going to listen to me about the really important things?

So there, you are not a really good listener and maybe you should be more creative than coffee (um like pomegranate martinis) for a first date.

Bottom line: It’s not rocket science. Guys if you want to stand out, do something creative for a first date. Even if you are doing the same creative thing for ten first dates. And if a girl tells you she’s not into something, LISTEN.

Today Hill Harper tweeted AFI: attraction, friendship, intimacy.

Yes, in that order.

There are enough men in my life where I shouldn’t be so shocked that there are actually men out there who want to be fuliflled emotionally by a partner. Yet everytime…. flabberghasted.

Okay, that is a hyperbole, however, I have to commend a man who stands up and says that this is what is important, who advocates a healthy dialouge between men and women, and encourages trust and honesty.

It’s always nice to know there are a few good men out there.


"IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE ME AT MY WORST, THAN YOU DON'T DESERVE ME AT MY BEST" -marilyn monroe

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