my journey through the pursuit of love & happiness

Posts Tagged ‘fun dating stories?

Can you find love in a coffee shop?

Ad Kahlua, stir. Find love.

I know some people enjoy coffee dates because they feel there is less pressure, but um, really, I am not 45.

I recently had a guy ask me out for coffee after I specifically said I don’t really drink coffee. Admittingly, I may have to adjust this self-proclaimed ‘I don’t drink coffee’ after I’ve discovered numerous flavored lattes at Starbucks. BUT I said I don’t really drink coffee. The last time I said that to a guy, the-jerk-he-turned-out-to-be-lying-and saying-he-slept-with-me-when-he-never-got-more-than-a-kiss, at least then suggested we get smoothies.

What does a girl think of when she thinks of a date? I will tell you right now she is NOT picturing a coffee shop. My time is valuable. I want to go out to new restaurants and try new things and if I am scheduling someone I am not even sure I’m into for a date into my hectic schedule, you can bet your allowance it is not going to be for coffee. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I believe alcoholic beverages are an important part of a date.

Coffee just has so much more of an interview feeling for me. Also, it’s hard to get dressed up cute for a coffee shop, almost in a sad way, like why are you dressing up for the library? Coffee shops mostly remind me of doing work and studying, not a place where I flirt and am making a conscious effort to look cute. (Okay, maybe I should change my preconceived notion of coffee expectations, sure meeting the love of my life in a coffee shop probably has the same statistical probabilities as meeting them in a bar, and I’ve definitely met a love in a bar.)

Also, what kind of listener are you when I tell you I don’t really drink coffee and still ask me out for a coffee date?! Over the years I’ve learned to see signs of men who are horrible at being on my side and listening. So if you can’t even listen to me for a first date suggestion, what makes me think you are going to listen to me about the really important things?

So there, you are not a really good listener and maybe you should be more creative than coffee (um like pomegranate martinis) for a first date.

Bottom line: It’s not rocket science. Guys if you want to stand out, do something creative for a first date. Even if you are doing the same creative thing for ten first dates. And if a girl tells you she’s not into something, LISTEN.

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Someone how serious, somehow jokingly, I kept suggesting to my friend Theresa that we venture out into DC and do some speed dating. One night when I was feeling a little more risky I researched it and found their cost not to be worth my perceived benefit. What’s a single graduate school student to do?

Earlier this month Vote DC, an organization to get DC voting representation rights, and Obama Generation held a speed dating fundraiser that was only $10! Not only would I get to speed date but I would get to make a contribution to some good organizations.

Off we went! It took place in a bar basement of a restaurant. The room was a little cramped. Luckily I was by the sliding doors and air conditioner. The men rotate to the girls. There really weren’t enough tables for all the guys, so a few would just kind of straggled around waiting for their turn. We were suppose to meet ten people but there was only time for 8. The first guy was nice enough but just sat next to whatever girl he could get to and did not follow the rules. Gross. Are you hunting down women? Really? It was such a turn off. I can’t remember any of the other guys beyond that.

There was one guy I met during the rotation and another one I met hanging out afterwards that both asked for my number. At the time they both seemed descent and I thought that I should give them a chance because this is what I came to do…I mean I didn’t really expect a love-at-first-sight situation (though a romantic can hope).

To be honest, I would’ve settled for a I-would-sleep-with-you-now situation…but alas, not even that.

I digress… Boy 1 called me twice I think? The second time he called me at 945 on a Sunday night and I was horribly offended. I was finishing up Quant homework and was getting ready for bed because I get up at 630 in the morning! Now, I know that he prolly thought this was a descent time, but it wasn’t. And he blabbered on the whole conversation and we kept having these weird awkward moments of us trying to say something at the same time and him just keep continuing to talk. He finally asked me out for coffee at the end of this convo. I told him that I was really busy this week and had a group project meeting on Sunday and that I didn’t think I’d have time. THIS WAS THE TRUTH. He acted all offended, and all I thought was, if you actually listened to the two words I said you would know that I am hella (yes, i went there) busy. Seriously?! Haven’t heard from him since, which is fine like I said, he didn’t fall into either category above.

Guy 2 tried to be all suave. He was too intense. He asked me out that night in a way that almost made me uncomfortable. Thank God I had Theresa there as an excuse. While we were talking he shallowly tried to connect over the fact that we are both bi-racial. He then spilled word vomit all over me: “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve slept with a girl and the next morning she’s been like ‘you’re the first ____ I’ve slept with.’ ” serrrrrrrrrriously?! So not attractive. That does not make me want you more. It makes me want you lesssssssssss. Annnnnnnnd this guy kept calling and leaving messages. Like Hello, McFly, anybody home? I’m not answering or responding to your calls and messages. The last phone call I got from him was at 1045 at night. He was prolly drunk and either cussing me out for not calling or crying. I haven’t listened to the message yet. I’m waiting for when I need a pick me up.

And that was my first experience speed dating.

What I re-learned from this…….

Lesson #1 Dealbreaker: I don’t know you. I don’t care about you. Don’t call me after 9pm any night of the week unless we are actually dating and you know my schedule and know: (a) I want to hear your voice or (b) you know you won’t be interrupting me. **

**discretion: obviously this does not apply to all my loved ones and family members.

Lesson #2: I need help knowing how to turn guys down! Any ideas? Seriously. I feel bad. Only if the guy is being a jackass to my friend can I really lite a fire. Otherwise, unless he’s major douche, I make excuses for his word vomit and hopes he knows the universal sign for me not answering his phone call. *sigh*

The only thing I can think of is giving them my brother’s number.


"IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE ME AT MY WORST, THAN YOU DON'T DESERVE ME AT MY BEST" -marilyn monroe

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