my journey through the pursuit of love & happiness

Posts Tagged ‘what a woman wants

I love cats, too, but… will be a lil sore if this woman’s dating life is better than mine.

D.C. bar serves up 48-oz martini
By Lauren Abdel-Razzaq

Is so big it will actually not be served for solo drinkers.

Hold on to your liver and prepare for the ultimate drink at the end of a bad work week: The Big Dirty, a 48-oz martini.

Consisting of six to eight regular martinis, the Big Dirty sells for $79.99 at downtown D.C.’s Dirty Martini bar.

But don’t think you’ll be consuming one on your own. The bar maintains it’s meant to be shared with friends.

The Big Dirty, a 48-oz martini, towers above the table at Dirty Martini in NW D.C. (Dirty Martini)“It’s definitely a group thing,” said Dirty Martini marketing director Katie Asprovski. “I don’t even think we could serve it to one person.”

Since the Connecticut Avenue restaurant’s debut of this happy hour concoction three weeks ago, Asprovski says they sell eight of them a night.

In case you were thinking of ordering one to drink by yourself — or making your own Big Dirty — you may want to reconsider.

If a 120-pound woman consumed, in an hour, the amount of alcohol in a Big Dirty, she would have a blood alcohol content high enough to cause confusion, vomiting and possibly induce coma, according to a Stanford University report. A 180-pound man consuming the same amount of alcohol in the same time period would experience blurred vision, nausea and loss of motor control.

And that’s one way to make a bad work week worse.

I hope that the man of my dreams serenades me with this…

Can you find love in a coffee shop?

Ad Kahlua, stir. Find love.

I know some people enjoy coffee dates because they feel there is less pressure, but um, really, I am not 45.

I recently had a guy ask me out for coffee after I specifically said I don’t really drink coffee. Admittingly, I may have to adjust this self-proclaimed ‘I don’t drink coffee’ after I’ve discovered numerous flavored lattes at Starbucks. BUT I said I don’t really drink coffee. The last time I said that to a guy, the-jerk-he-turned-out-to-be-lying-and saying-he-slept-with-me-when-he-never-got-more-than-a-kiss, at least then suggested we get smoothies.

What does a girl think of when she thinks of a date? I will tell you right now she is NOT picturing a coffee shop. My time is valuable. I want to go out to new restaurants and try new things and if I am scheduling someone I am not even sure I’m into for a date into my hectic schedule, you can bet your allowance it is not going to be for coffee. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I believe alcoholic beverages are an important part of a date.

Coffee just has so much more of an interview feeling for me. Also, it’s hard to get dressed up cute for a coffee shop, almost in a sad way, like why are you dressing up for the library? Coffee shops mostly remind me of doing work and studying, not a place where I flirt and am making a conscious effort to look cute. (Okay, maybe I should change my preconceived notion of coffee expectations, sure meeting the love of my life in a coffee shop probably has the same statistical probabilities as meeting them in a bar, and I’ve definitely met a love in a bar.)

Also, what kind of listener are you when I tell you I don’t really drink coffee and still ask me out for a coffee date?! Over the years I’ve learned to see signs of men who are horrible at being on my side and listening. So if you can’t even listen to me for a first date suggestion, what makes me think you are going to listen to me about the really important things?

So there, you are not a really good listener and maybe you should be more creative than coffee (um like pomegranate martinis) for a first date.

Bottom line: It’s not rocket science. Guys if you want to stand out, do something creative for a first date. Even if you are doing the same creative thing for ten first dates. And if a girl tells you she’s not into something, LISTEN.

Lately I’ve been more and more annoyed at the public’s attack on Jennifer Aniston.

Why can’t a beautiful woman be happy without a man? Why must you label her a loser because she hasn’t settled down? Yes this might sound like the whole cliche arguement of if she was a man she’d be called a bachelor… Well if she was a man she would be one of hollywood’s most eligible bachelors. She’s be George Clooney. Last week George Clooney said he would never get married again. No one called him a loser. No one has ever called him a failure at life for not producing children. Instead, he must be tamed and she must be lame.

Leave her and all the women who are happy being single, independent women and can be fulfilled with other intimate relationships in their life, alone. Not all women want to be settled down and not every woman is sure she wants children. Must we really hold her to standards of a 1950s housewife?! So what if she doesn’t want children.

There is seriously something wrong with our society and male/female roles when a woman is being teared down for being strong and independent. Who is publishing this BS? Men and women who only want to reinforce gender roles from their parent’s generation?! People who are unhappy with their life and feel the need to bring anyone who seems happy down?!

It is not a woman’s sole role in life to produce a child. The fact that she is living the life she is living should be inspiring other young women: yes, it is possible to be happy and fulfilled without a man or child in your life.

I came across this old goodie today when I had my itunes on shuffle. Listening to the lyrics I realized that not much has changed in regards to: (a) women wanting a good man, and; (b) what women consider a ‘good man’.

For your enjoyment:

Salt ‘N Pepa featuring en Vogue “Whatta man”
What a man, what a man, what a man
What a mighty good man
What a man, what a man, what a man
What a mighty good man
What a man, what a man, what a man
What a mighty good man
What a man, what a man, what a man
What a mighty good man

I wanna take a minute or two, and give much respect due
To the man that’s made a difference in my world
And although most men are ho’s he flows on the down low
Cuz I never heard about him with another girl
But I don’t sweat it because it’s just pathetic
To let it get me involved in that he said/she said crowd
I know that ain’t nobody perfect, I give props to those who deserve it
And believe me y’all, he’s worth it
So here’s to the future cuz we got through the past
I finally found somebody that can make me laugh

CHORUS

My man is smooth like Barry, and his voice got bass
A body like Arnold with a Denzel face
He’s smart like a doctor with a real good rep
And when he comes home he’s relaxed with Pep
He always got a gift for me everytime I see him
A lot of snot-nosed ex-flames couldn’t be him
He never ran a corny line once to me yet
So I give him stuff that he’ll never forget
He keeps me on Cloud Nine just like the Temps
He’s not a fake wannabe tryin’ to be a pimp
He dresses like a dapper don, but even in jeans
He’s a God-sent original, the man of my dreams

Yes, my man says he loves me, never says he loves me not
Tryin’ to rush me good and touch me in the right spot
See other guys that I’ve had, they tried to play all that mac shit
But every time they tried I said, “That’s not it”
But not this man, he’s got the right potion
Baby, rub it down and make it smooth like lotion
Yeah, the ritual, highway to heaven
From seven to seven he’s got me open like Seven Eleven
And yes, it’s me that he’s always choosin’
With him I’m never losin’, and he knows that my name is not Susan
He always has heavy conversation for the mind
Which means a lot to me cuz good men are hard to find

CHORUS

My man gives real loving that’s why I call him Killer
He’s not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am, he’s a thriller
He takes his time and does everything right
Knocks me out with one shot for the rest of the night
He’s a real smooth brother, never in a rush
And he gives me goose pimples with every single touch
Spends quality time with his kids when he can
Secure in his manhood cuz he’s a real man
A lover and a fighter and he’ll knock a knucker out
Don’t take him for a sucker cuz that’s not what he’s about
Every time I need him, he always got my back
Never disrespectful cuz his mama taught him that

CHORUS

I have been thinking about doing a blog like this for a while. Then the other day , I came across this big blog (which will remain nameless), that is specifically written from a man’s perspective. This blog has several authors, some of them single, often offering dating advice. Mostly, what I read on their site I think is total bullshit. Especially when it came to reading their dating mistakes. Did they even talk to women to get their opinion on the subject? What makes you think you know what a woman wants? You. Are. A. Man. You are worse than cosmo which consistently and relentlessly tells a woman that the key to any good relationship is a bikini wax and this new level five kama sutra move.

So here is (the beginning of) my take on guy’s dating mistakes. Taken from empirical evidence. Feel free to add to the list, I know I will.

1. “I don’t dance.”

Scene: Bar. Music. People slightly buzzed. Girl approaches boy. Touches his arm. Playfully asks him to dance while (most likely) smiling and, at least attempting to give him “the look.” Boy, hesitates, begins thinking about touching her hip and getting close to her on the dance floor. Gets a little excited about the possibility of a close proximity of body bumping. Responds: “Uh… I don’t dance.”

Reality: Boy tells girl he doesn’t dance because he is afraid of how he will look. (Duh.)

Flash forward to same girl. Same guy. Same attraction and flirty innuendos. Girl sees you dancing with another girl.

Yes, maybe you are embarrassed by your moves on the dance floor. And maybe now you have had a sufficient number of drinks to be brave. Maybe she will understand that you need to be drunk to dance, but it’s still kinda offensive to turn down a girl to dance when you are interested in her. In fact, this just makes me think a guy is not interested in me whatsoever. Also, I can’t think of any girl who has ever stopped being interested in a guy because of his moves on the floor. In all honestly, it might be bad, but I’m sure it’s not that bad. And often times when you already like a guy, anything dorky he does, like dancing, is just endearing and not embarrassing.

Tip: Instead of turning the girl down, why don’t you be playful and admit you don’t know how to dance than say, “I’ll only dance with you if you teach me how.” If she’s interested in you, she will take you up on this challenge.

2. Waiting 15-20 minutes to respond to EVERY text. EVER.

Really? Swingers was literally over a decade ago. Get over the three-day-rule; 15-minute-texting rule. If you are like most guys of this up-and-coming generation, than you prefer to peruse relationships through text messages. (I disagree with this and wonder all the time, why can’t a guy just pick up the damn phone.) Fine. I will give you whatever level of comfortableness you need in order to get to know a girl better. (But I don’t have to love it.) However, if this is your chosen route, it is really hard to get into a good grove of texting conversation when you only respond every 15-20 minutes. Sure, maybe you legitimately have something going on. Well then, I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to all the seemingly too-cool guys out there. Stop. If you can’t even give me consistently a few minutes of texting time, then you are not worth my time.

3. Who taught you that move? =dealbreaker

When I was in college I didn’t really pay attention to the lack of creativity or lack of a man’s balls to just make a move. But the next time a guy uses the move of a) asserting his manliness and showing me how big and strong he is; and b) needing an excuse to touch me and hope that it will lead to something, I am going to call dealbreaker. What move am I talking about, you ask? The good ol’ “let me show her some self-defense move.” Reaallly. Because I need you to show me, the damsel in distress, how to take care of myself. Did I ask for you karate-self-defense moves? No. Do I want you to show me how easy it is for you to hold me down or choke me? Hell no.

4. Phone calls.

When a guy says he will call and doesn’t. Too easy? Of course there is a point in every relationship where a boyfriend doesn’t always have to call back or call right when he says so. This is about relationships that are just beginning to form. No this isn’t about being that girl waiting by the phone, hoping a guy will call or about being a perfectionist and bitching about every little slip up. This is about being important enough for a guy to call you when he says he will call. Bottom line. In this particular day and age with texting and chatting being so much of the social interaction, which isn’t face-to-face or even voice-to-voice, a phone call seems to mean more than it once did. Which can lead to an even greater disappointment for a girl when they guy decides he won’t call. Key word: decide. Because that’s what it comes off as. What made him change his mind? What made him decide not to call? I hate to get all ‘He’s just not that into you’ but, if you were on his mind, wouldn’t he remember to call? So that’s how it’s viewed. That’s where disappointment stems from: the thought that it was a conscious decision not to call.

5. You know what I want in bed.

You don’t. Don’t assume. Ask. And pay attention to where I’m moving your hands. Or how my body shakes when you do something right. Body Language! Also, you don’t know anything about vibrators. It’s not just the vibration that makes it more intense. It’s the fact that I can play out my own fantasy, it’s about the fact that I’m with someone who knows exactly what I want–me. Listen to my body, and when in doubt ASK. There is something very attractive about a man who is open to learning what exactly it is that will bring me pleasure.

6. Confusing “I’m busy” with “I’m not interested.”

You either hit on a girl because you think she is interested or because you are interested in her. If it’s the former, listen to your instincts. Maybe she really is busy. People do things and have busy lives, it’s very plausible. Don’t act so butt-hurt because she can’t/refuses to change her life around you for some guy she doesn’t know. Be patient. Ask her to make you an offer; if she’s interested she will.

7. Don’t call me babe.

No this is not just a great line from an awesome blast from the past. Now I’m not going to lie and say I’ve never called a guy ‘babe’ or dropped him when he called me ‘babe.’ I’m saying that I’m not in my early 20s anymore and a guy I barely know calling me ‘babe’ doesn’t make me feel special, it makes me feel generic. Sure, if the relationship progresses and there are actual feelings involved, but don’t think that you calling me ‘babe’ is going to score points and get you acquainted with my goods any faster.

8. Thinking it’s too late to apologize.

Reminder, this list of dating mistakes – not in relationships. If you just begin to date a girl and fuck up APOLOGIZE. And don’t wait for her to bring up whatever fuckup it is you did. BE A MAN. GROW A PAIR. Take responsibility for your actions.

But here’s the dirty secret: girls want to believe in fairy tale endings, and girls usually know (thank you romantic comedies) that part of that fairy tale may be the man screwing up and realizing how he almost missed a good thing. Okay, think of some of the romantic comedies you’ve seen….these guys aren’t perfect, but they do man up and ask for forgiveness.

Sure she may no longer think you’re dating material, but maybe she’ll be willing to be friends. At the very least she probably won’t go around telling her friends what an ass you are. And really, do you want a girl(s) going around telling people what a horrible person you are? Seriously. It’s not gonna get you more girls.

If she’s still interested in you than you’ve got a chance to make up for your fuck up (and by make up I mean do something nice for her). If she’s no longer interested, at least you can feel better about yourself on the type of man your father raised.


"IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE ME AT MY WORST, THAN YOU DON'T DESERVE ME AT MY BEST" -marilyn monroe

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